The warm weather has arrived in Charlottesville, bringing with it an increase of allergies, snake bites, and causing a massive shortage of sundresses.

“It’s unbelievable,” says Trish Rutherford, owner of the Sundress Barn on the downtown mall. “We get a new shipment of sundresses in, and they are gone within an hour.”

Other stores, such as the Sundress Hut, Sundresses Etc, and Sundress For Less are reporting similar problems. The shortage is expected to last several months, at least through August. And those lucky enough to find a new sundress will certainly pay exorbitant prices due to high demand.

Women aren’t the only ones having a hard time finding appropriate clothing for the summer. Men are reporting that pastel polo shirts are increasingly hard to find. Those with horses or alligators on them are especially scarce.

City council is holding an emergency meeting to discuss solutions for this clothing emergency. While importing sundresses from abroad is a good short-term fix, they are exploring broader solutions to decrease our dependence on foreign summer attire.

“It’s a serious problem indeed,” says Rutherford. “I mean, how are people supposed to walk along The Corner without a new sundress? Are they supposed to wear shorts and a shirt? That’s just neanderthal.”

UVA had a fantastic basketball season, culminating in an NCAA Tournament bid.  Before the #10 seed Cavs play the evil Gators in Omaha on Friday, here are some of the highlights (and lowlights) from their regular season:

  • Sept 20:  Coach Tony Bennett releases an album of duets, in which he sings with Lady Gaga, Willie Nelson, and Mike Krzyzewski
  • Nov 10:  Cavman releases a statement saying any accusations the he uses steroids are completely false
  • Dec 22: Despite winning at both Oregon and Seattle, the team comes back with a pacific northwest depression.  Guard Sammy Zeglinski writes an angsty song about how his dad never gave him enough lunch money
  • Jan 12:   UVA loses to Duke on the basketball court, but steals all the pocket protectors from their locker room
  • Jan 19:  Center Assane Sene rolls his ankle re-enacting a scene from the Smurfs movie, but convinces his teammates it was a basketball injury
  • Feb 8:  Guard Doug Browman takes off his gym shorts, and throws them into the hamper with 1.3 seconds left before bed time
  • Mar 4: Forward Mike Scott named to the all-ACC best hair team

Good luck to UVA in the NCAA Tourney!  Beat those slimy Gators!!!

Virginia Governor Bob McDonnell has already signed a bill making women get an ultrasound before getting an abortion.  Critics of the bill say this is invasive and unnecessary, while proponents say they are helping women make an informed decision.

Now the governor is going one step farther in mandating that women buy their unborn child a pony before getting an abortion.  The bill, written by a bunch of old dudes, is intended to help inform women on the psychological implications of buying a child a pony.

“This is an important law for women, children, and ponies everywhere,” said McDonnell.  “Women considering an abortion should consider the medical, psychological, spiritual, and equine implications of their unborn child.”

A rally is planned in Richmond next week to protest the planned law.  Opponents say that this law goes too far, and that conservatives are trying to shame women into foregoing abortions. 

Pro-Choice groups are also arguing that many low-income women can’t afford the price of ponies.  They are pointing to a conflict of interest, in that the state’s largest pony farm, Ponyburton, is owned by Virginia Lieutenant Governor Bill Bolling.

This may not be the end for Virginia’s anti-abortion bills.  Other bills in the state legislature include making women do the following before getting an abortion:

  • Have Rush Limbaugh call her names on his radio show
  • Change her Facebook status to “Abortion-Lover”
  • Have a 10 minute conversation with Tim Tebow
  • Wear a red “A” on her shirt
  • Have a baby shower

The pony bill is expected to go in effect on July 1st.  Coincidentally, that is the date that Ponyburton is expected receive their largest ever shipment of shiny new ponies.

In a new list by Forbes Magazine, UVA is ranked the third best value among public colleges.  The list takes into account the quality of education, and the opportunity for low tuition and scholarships.

University of VirginiaSo, why is an education at UVA such a good value?

  • You can save $1.50 on tuition with your Harris Teeter VIC card
  • Free fraternity housing if you can drink your weight in beer and hot sauce
  • The Tina Fey scholarship, for sexy librarians
  • High paying campus jobs, like a handyman who dares to figure out what’s that tapping on the chamber door of the Edgar Allen Poe room
  • Students are issued pastel polo shirts and/or sundresses with admission
  • Students have access to free state-of-the-art tools for online research, called Wikipedia
  • Two words: Bodo’s
  • If you transfer from Boise State, Auburn, or the Chicago Bears, you don’t have to change the color of your wardrobe
  • Free concerts on the downtown mall (as long as you don’t mind sitting outside the pavilion, and not seeing who is singing)
  • Quality education by excellent professors including astronauts, authors, and some dude who knows all the words to One Week by the Barenaked Ladies

Taking a strategy from major motion pictures, the Meadowcreek Parkway is set to open early in 2012.  The road has had a limited opening thus far, only allowing access to critics and industry insiders.  But by opening up to the general public in January or February, producers and taxpayers are hoping to see some interest from the Oscars.

“The Parkway has gotten generally good reviews,” says VDOT insider Elwood Bingham.  “I think we can expect to see some major awards in the near future.”

Critics say that road has a good direction, and moves along at a good pace.  There are are enough twists and turns to keep it entertaining, and very few plotholes. 

Of course, the road is not without controversy.  Some say it is a bit predictable, with most drivers being able to guess the ending long before they get there. 

“I just hope that most people will go into it with an open mind,” says Bingham.  “Whether you’re for it or against it, I think everyone will find something they can enjoy from this movie… er, I mean road.”

Oscar nominees will be announced later this month.  The Meadowcreek Parkway is expected to compete in Best Direction and Best Original Parkway.  It is also the frontrunner for Best Makeup for its astounding yellow lines on black pavement.

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